Does Being Alone With The Thoughts In My Head Scare Me That Much?
I won’t lie to you, I haven’t really felt like sitting down to write lately.
It’s been a real mixed bag of a week. On the one hand, I have been super productive, but on the other hand, my anxiety has been through the roof.
The beginning of the week started with a nice dollop of insecurity. I randomly started to question my own likability. Did people actually like me? Or did they just pity me? I worried that I had upset someone, not one particular person, just anyone and everyone.
Did they look at me funny? Are they ignoring my message? Not satisfied with the thought of other people disliking me, I started to join in with the fault finding and began to think of all the reasons people would have to not like me.
Despite feeling this way, I was determined to continue with my week as planned, firstly by going on my morning walks. This was the number one priority as I know this is really good for my mental health and I can thrash out any intrusive thoughts in that hour.
My goal is to get out first thing each day, which is usually between 7 & 7:30 am, however, after a terrible night’s sleep on Sunday night, I got myself up and out of bed at 5:45 am, thinking I would get up early and squeeze more time out of my day.
Halfway through my walk, as I went to turn the corner, I was greeted by what can only be described as a giant, snarling wolf with its “owner” struggling to keep it from attacking me. The bin men were also out collecting the bins and I think they had also had a close call as one of them was shaking his head at the man grappling with the hairy beast, he wasn’t much bigger than his dog.
Now I adore dogs and have grown up with them, but this really shook me. Already sensitive, from having less than 5 hours of sleep, I tried to keep the tears at bay as I continued on with my walk. By the time I got home, I had managed to walk off my emotions and this solidified to me how important doing this is for me.
I had also decided to do a 30-day kettlebell challenge, which my friend told me about. You do 100 kettlebell swings each day, broken down whichever way suits you, I was doing 4 sets of 25 and managed to get this done.
On Tuesday, I had an even worse night’s sleep, laying awake for hours until finally falling back to sleep around 6…