Hangxiety

Thursday 25th July

I wake up in a complete panic. I should have gone back to the office yesterday, I shouldnt have got pissed and met my friend, I hope hes not angry with me. Somewhere at the back of my apparently small brain, I know that this is the alcohol, making me catastrophize everything. I still shouldnt have done it though.

I get up and get showered, trying to focus my mind. I sit downstairs and catch up on Love Island and check the trains, I remembered seeing somewhere that there would be a reduced service because of the heat. Nope they all looked fine. A while later I realise I should check the trains coming home, they might have reduced the service later when its really hot. Good job I did. Instead of having the options of 4 trains per house, now there is only one. So thats 4 trains worth of people trying to get on 10 carriages in rush hour. No. Thank. You. I email my team and boss to tell them the situation, guilt makes me attach the website for the train company so they know I’m not lying. I’m feeling very very sensitive, but I deserve it.

I message my friend and really hope hes not pissed off with me for turning up drunk. He seems fine, if anything, hes concerned about me. The fact that he, of all people, is concerned actually makes me concerned for myself. I really should be. If I am not careful, I’m going to completely fuck my life up.