I was lucky enough to have a counselling session the morning after I ended my last post and I was back in what I like to call my “sane mind.” I could think more clearly and went into the session with the aim of getting some ideas and techniques I could practice to help me stay in this frame of mind.
In a lot of my therapy sessions now, I find that as I am speaking, I am able to find a lot of the answers to my questions and it is in that room that I can accept and acknowledge my growth with a gentle nudge from my amazing therapist. I still have work to do but I feel that this year, I have uncovered some big things that have been affecting me deeply and now I know what they are, I can work on those.
There is still that voice of someone from my past in my head, taking over at times and that is where my focus will be, to banish that voice, that inner critic and become myself again.
When I go home, I get myself in the sanctuary. I haven’t worked in here for a while, even though I know it helps me just by being in there.
The self sabotage has been hard at work preventing this. I use the advice from my therapist where I have to justify the no’s I tell myself and I do not have a justifiable reason to be working outside of my sanctuary.
My good day ends perfectly by going for dinner with the bestie.
On Wednesday, I am still sailing on a high vibe, despite having a few glasses of rose the night before. I am productive, which boosts my mood further, but I do want to take some time to reflect in my therapy session the day before. I want to put some things in place before the inevitable storm rolls in, so I decide that’s something I will do tomorrow.
Tomorrow comes too bloody soon. 4 a.m. to be exact. But I do as I had planned and I even get all my work finished by lunchtime, then I hit a slump. I avoid scrolling on my phone and decide to spend an afternoon reading, something I haven’t done in a long time. I realise it’s something I need to do more of.
On Friday, I am once again reminded of what I have learned in therapy when I am triggered by something the husband says. When I catch myself feeling angry I take my therapists advice and question how I feel and rather than try and hide or mask it, I sit with it.
It is extremely difficult and uncomfortable, I get upset and then, I speak to the husband about…