Out with the old

April has arrived and it brings snow. WTAF? It was like some weird April fools joke. We’d had such nice weather the week before, what even was this?

At last week’s counselling session, I went in feeling deflated. The week before I had been so positive, I had felt SO happy and although I was feeling way better than I had on Monday & Tuesday, I was feeling so disappointed and frustrated that I couldn’t hang on to that feeling for very long. I felt very much like a failure.

She reminded me, that yes my mood had gone down but I was aware that the cause of this was alcohol, and that alcohol does indeed deplete those happy hormones. When I wrote that I felt like I had no serotonin left last week, I had no idea how correct I had been. I had none left, no wonder I was feeling so shite!

Every time I feel low, I panic that my depression is coming back. It is a very real fear, I do not want to go back there and will fight to the death to stay away from that awful hole I need to remember that my low mood caused by alcohol and the depression I have suffered are very different and the former is easier to overcome.

She also pointed out that instead of responding in the way I had done previously, by ordering unlimited takeaways, more alcohol and generally lazing around, I got myself out for walks, journaled, blogged and done several positive things to boost my mood, and they worked and I should be proud of myself. I left that session feeling a lot happier and I really did feel proud of myself.