Why My Days Of Getting Excited About Going Out Have Disappeared

Outfit tantrums are not fun.

Clare - This Is Still Me♥️
7 min readMar 16, 2022


Tomorrow, I am going to the Cheltenham races. I’ve never been before, I’ve been to other races so I thought I knew what I was doing.

Two weeks ago, I was casually perusing the internet, it came to my attention that Cheltenham attire is, in fact, very different to the likes of Ascot. The main thing is, it’s pretty casual. Not tracksuit casual, but Cheltenham races casual. Confused? Yes, I was too.

The dresses I have are either unsuitable for the chilly March weather or a bit too dressy.

I scoured online for examples of what to wear. Aha! I see an outfit I like, it’s an A-line skirt, a top and knee-high boots with a coat. Looks gorgeous. I can easily recreate this.

I do some online shopping and manage to find the perfect skirt, I add it to my basket, along with a few different types of tops and I already have a couple of pairs of black knee-high boots. Sorted. That was pretty painless.

The parcel arrives. I put it on the sofa and pretend it’s not there. I can never bring myself to try things on straight away, I like to torture myself out about there being the wrong items or the wrong sizes, rather than just open it and try things on. I realise now that this is the avoider in me, it’s not just emotions and awkward situations, I will avoid. Oh no, it’s parcels as well.

Once I have summoned up the mental strength, the parcel is moved into the bedroom, I go and do some random chores for a little extra avoidance and then eventually, I tentatively open the much-dreaded parcel.

I pull out the skirt and hold it up, it’s lovely. I put it on along with one of the tops. The A-line skirt looks more like a very wide I line, it’s like a second skin. I get the picture of the woman up on my phone and look in the mirror. I look nothing like her. Not only is she blonde, but she is also about a size 8 and well, I am not.

I want to cry, but I don’t. I go back to the internet and order some more outfits, widening my selection, chucking a few things in that I might not usually try. You never know. There must be about 20 outfits in my online basket by the time I submit the order.

The (huge) parcel arrives. On the sofa, it goes, taking up practically the whole space. This one is going to need extra mental strength, it may have to stay…



Clare - This Is Still Me♥️

Join me as I conquer my 40s with humor and honesty. From Marriage to Step-Parenting, Perimenopause to freelancing – I'm spilling it all.