Self-Sabotage: Why I Do It & How I Deal With It

I had already planned to write about self-sabotage for today’s post at the beginning of the month, what I hadn’t expected was to have such a recent experience of it.

In yesterday’s post, I wrote about feeling like a failure for not achieving the intentions I had set for last week but what I didn’t talk about was how one busy day led to a weekend of self-sabotage.

It started with a couple of glasses of wine on Thursday night, the husband made me dinner, lovely. On Friday, I was exhausted, I’d had a really busy week and I wasn’t feeling my best, I “deserved” a glass or two of wine and some cheesecake. Saturday, I’d had a bad night’s sleep so why not get an Indian takeaway and a few more glasses of wine?

I am fully aware of how a few too many glasses of wine affect me, it affects my sleep, hence the bad night’s sleep I had on Friday, it affects my appetite and I end up eating unhealthy food and most of all it affects my mood. So why do I do it?

This behaviour is something I have been discussing with my therapist for some time now. The majority of the time, it is linked to my self-esteem, deep down, I don’t believe I deserve to be happy.

Take weight loss for example. I want to lose weight, so why am I ordering a takeaway? I know that’s the opposite of what I should be doing, half the time, I’m not even hungry. But that voice…