What The Actual F*ck

After all my drama last week, I was glad to have a weekend at my friend’s house in Hereford scheduled in. I needed to have a couple of days where I didn’t even have to think for myself and by the time I was due to go home, I began to feel excited about the future again and it felt like such a relief! I managed to get some good sleeps in before Monday came back around.

I was thankful to be getting my eyelashes done, they needed doing so badly after I had spent the past three weeks crying almost every day.

Unfortunately, my anxiety was creeping back in, what even is this? It’s kicking my arse. I was fine until I sat at my desk and had to send an email. I have dealt with people on email every day for years, so why is this crippling me today?

The anxiety was more of a physical sensation than a mental one, the stress and tension in my body was overwhelming and I knew I needed to learn how to deal with it.

By Wednesday, I felt like I was losing it. I had had enough of feeling like a hostage in my own body and at that moment in time, would quite happily have gone to live in a padded cell.

I’d had less than 3 hours sleep and spent the early hours of the morning downstairs crying, thinking about all the shit I needed to do when all I actually wanted to do was sleep. I felt like I did not have the mental capacity for anything.

I started to get angry at myself for feeling overwhelmed. Why the fuck am I struggling so much? Why is everything such a massive…