How My Anxious Mind Affects My Self Esteem

The thing with anxiety is, that it’s always there, it’s never going away.

The techniques I learned at my CBT sessions are great and do work, but you do have to work at it. I got a bit lazy. I finished the therapy in March, carried on doing the minimum (meditation etc) then there was a birthday and then we were off on holiday, great right?

Not for Barry.

I was feeling insecure, so instead of lying by the pool relaxing, I was comparing myself to everyone around the pool, thinking that my boyfriend probably wished I looked better. Why don’t I take care of myself more? All this whilst sipping several Pina Coladas I might add.

I hated myself. All these negative thoughts I was having about myself were draining me, looking back now, I can see I was slowly slipping into a hole. I tried to put a brave face on but inside I was feeling quite sad, I put it down to hormones and got on with the holiday.

About 6 weeks later, I received a letter from my ex-husband’s solicitor officially starting the divorce proceedings, before this we had tried to resolve this between us, but it was clear that wasn’t going to happen, we did not part on good terms. He was making ridiculous demands.

Enter Barry.

I got completely stressed out, he was asking for money I didn’t have, and I didn’t know where to start or what to do, my boyfriend tried to calm me down but I was…